Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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