I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
