i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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