Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
