Cold hands, warm shart.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am spending my child support on dildos
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
