I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The feeling are messing with the penis
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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