I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
