dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
