she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
