So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
