drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
