I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
