i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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