i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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