so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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