im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
