with your own penis?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
