My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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