Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
