If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
