we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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