i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
