Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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