I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
