just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
