He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
