I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...