let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?