it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*