Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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