Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
