he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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