Umm I'm too high to move.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so that wasnt chicken after all
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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