I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
