last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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