I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
