Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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