All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
