Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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