okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
