Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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