Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
