I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
