tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
