the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
