Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
