When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the day after is always just damage control
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she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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