Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
