Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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