U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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