I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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