im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
