The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
