dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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