just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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