ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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