dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
