I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
