He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
