fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?