This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
