So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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