This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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