ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
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hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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