My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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