It was confusing and full of hummus
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
