Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
