She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
