She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
